Parents Are Not Always Right (Ask Your Therapist)

In this generation, kids nowadays receive judgments from all sorts of people. Some blame the technology for these young individuals’ way of living their lives. Sometimes, other people misunderstand them due to the unparticular ways they make decisions for themselves. Others believe that they are incapable of handling the consequences of their actions and that the later generations are more capable of handling life struggles and social issues. With that, there comes a stigma that parents in the late ages are more intellectual and well-experienced. But are they? If you ask a therapist, he would probably disagree. Parents are not always right, and that is a fact.

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A Different Point Of View

Perhaps it is true that young adults nowadays make terrible decisions in their life, education, career, and relationship. There instances that they take too many left-turns and sometimes do not tend to finish what they have started. Most of these young individuals are impulsive, careless, and unpredictable. There are times that they are full of confidence that sometimes are inappropriate to a particular situation. They are adventurous, self-reliable, and full of guts that pretty much becomes out of control almost all the time. That is the reason why parents see them as kids who are not only helpless but also trying hard individuals.

The different parental mentality where parents view their kids as individuals, who are incapable of doing things, creates a long course of the problem. Not only it does limit young individuals’ horizons, but parents’ judgment also becomes a blocking force for future development too. That is because the way they look at their kids becomes a standard. With that, it creates a lasting societal impression.

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Parents Role

Parents believe that everything they say and do is correct. That whatever consequences there may be, their decisions and actions are appropriate for the situation even if it doesn’t support a fundamental conclusion. That is because they based their judgment from the past experiences they had. There is this belief that since they are old enough to handle possible conditions, they are more mature and capable of creating a solid ruling. Perhaps some parents always do the right thing. But not all of them are consistent. Some parents do not take the blame when things get out of hand. Some parents often wash their hands when the situation results in a negative outcome. Some parents do not accept their mistakes in mishandling their kids. And some parents keep a blind eye to what is currently crucial for everybody.

With all the negative results of mishandled parenting, parents can become destructive influences in young adults’ lives. That goes even for those loving and amazing ones. When kids often take their parents words as the final authority over their decisions in life, an issue arises. Yes, they are parents. But it does not mean they know everything. Their status as adults who takes care of young individuals doesn’t give them the prerogative of becoming wise. Not because parents decided to have kids, that does not mean there is a brain-rewinding that suddenly makes them an expert in determining the secrets of having a successful and happy life. The truth is, these parents are also in the middle of learning a lot from a different situation. Some of them are still figuring out how to manage decisions. A lot of them are still trying their bests to understand every essential part of parenting.

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Parents also have flaws and biases because they are not perfect. They also have regrets and doubts. Yes, they are in an authoritative role, but that does not mean they have all the answers. It does not imply that children can never challenge, question, and disagree with them. But don’t get it wrong. Perhaps the reason why parents often get in the way of their kids’ happiness and success is due to their focus on safety and security. Yes, it is an excellent validation of their action. However, that particular trait only builds a miserable and boring life for young individuals. Their focus on security and safety hinders the kids’ potential to experience a creative life under their own decisions and values.

Insight

It is understandable that parents need respect. They deserve it, and young adults are obliged to give it to them. However, when parents do not support a healthy parent-children relationship in which both minds and voices are equally valued, then the whole process of parenting will only result in rebellions, misunderstandings, and hatred.

 

Is There A Right Method To Parenting?

Parenting is one of the most stressful, draining, and unbelievable jobs in the world. Not because it requires tons of task that seems quite everlasting, but because everything about it is inconsistent. That’s the reason why most parents suffer from family relationship problems. And since there are things that need attention, there is no guarantee that all lessons will fit in an instant.

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When people talk about parenting, some always assume they understand parental roles. But, do they? When you try and ask some of the parents you know, they will probably answer this in general – “it’s my responsibility to raise my kids in a way I understand.” That’s quite true. Every parent is capable of raising their kids with the lessons they know, heard, understand, and experience. Probably because they know what it feels like to be at their kids’ age back before they were even parents.

But is that enough reason to conclude that parenting is something people get from the past? That the proper way of introducing moral lessons to children is through experience? Or that perhaps parenting seems to revolve around what society believes? As people begin to look at the lives of the youth, there are structures in the family that unnoticeable exists. These are pivot points where a routine takes a significant change in children’s behavior, emotional state, character, and even mental awareness.

The Struggle Most Parents Have

One of the primary reasons why most parents can’t seem to get a hold of their children is due to a consistent style of parenting for a variety of situations. These include the right implication of discipline, the teaching about honesty and loyalty, the insinuation of what society believes is right and wrong, the constant adaptation of different values, the applicable relationship to other individuals, and a lot more. Parents often don’t understand that kids nowadays are not interested anymore in reading and writing values. Children in this generation are risk takers. Therefore, parenting style requires a distinction as much as possible. Perhaps because kids now understand that the world has so much to offer. By that, listening to what adults used to believe is now useless since the youth can now explore what those things they need to learn are.

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As a parent, the battle of right parenting comes with two contradicting patterns. One is the proper way of treating kids, and the other one is letting them understand what the appropriate way is. Yes, most parents know that hitting kids is an inappropriate way. That’s because society believes that it is a form of abuse. And even if it’s not, then they still assume that it will eventually become one. With that mentality, no one likes to view punishment as a valid parenting method.

On the other hand, kids understand their parents’ responsibility regarding the teaching of a lesson. But what seems to be the problem is the youth’s inability to follow specific rules. Yes, most children understand what their parents are trying to imply, but not all of them are wholeheartedly open to restrictions and adjustments. Therefore, these individuals still do what they got to do.

The Right Method Of Handling Kids

All parents know that what they are dealing with when it comes to parenting is the result of their struggles and decisions in life. Perhaps it’s what they already knew from the start. So to answer the question if there is a right method to parenting, well, there’s none. All parents and kids differ. Some factors require considerations as well. It could be the environment the family is living in, the traditions they inherited from their relatives, the teachings they learn from school, and the experience they know and apply to other people. There is entirely no need to question how each parent handle their kids because only their judgment will matter.

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Societal Issue Of Parenting

Since society assumes that parenting task should stay uncomplicated and straightforward, they begin to focus on what seems to be chaotic – the parent-children relationship. With this, people view some parenting methods indifferently. Most people won’t care why because they only want to know what’s normal and what the majority of ways are available when handling kids. Though there are times these people’s judgment might be valid about some cases, everything is not always in their favor. That is because the internal factor of parenting still lies in the capability of the parents to relay values and knowledge for the sole benefit of their kids no matter what the ways are.

Parenting in this generation is about the balance of “now and before” that runs along with the future. Teaching the proper habits, implementing discipline, and showing the right values, are the ones parents hope for their kids so they can become great. All parental decisions matter to make a significant development in both parents and children’s lives.

How Can I Raise A Confident Child?

 

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Undeniably, mothers want to raise children who are confident, assertive, strong, and compassionate. That is why we read books on how to help our kids be that person growing up, so they can rise above their problems and face the meanest person with a kindness that kills (as they say).

To make life easier for you, we have gathered some simple strategies and placed them here in one article. These are tips from child counselors and mothers themselves who have successfully helped their children survive and thrive.

Tips To Help Raise A Confident Child

  1. Encourage him to set realistic goals or goals that he can reasonably achieve. When your kid has just been accepted to the football team, it’s perfectly okay for him to dream of eventually playing in the Olympics. However, if he doesn’t make it to the high school varsity team and yet he still thinks he’s going to be a star player in the Olympics, then you need to help him focus on more realistic targets for himself. Guide him into creating short-term goals that he can fulfill in a year or two. Achieving these short-term goals will boost his self-esteem and enable him to be accepting of his strengths and weaknesses.
  2. Show your child you love him. Sometimes, when we are so caught up with work and other adult activities, we tend to forget that our kids don’t only need to hear how much we love them, but that they need us to show it to them. Apart from his favorite dog or toy, love is the most precious gift you can give him. You may shout at him for something he’s done wrong, but always remember to give him a hug and explain to him why he was reprimanded. That is unconditional love, and it strengthens the foundation for self-esteem in your child.

 

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  1. Be a model of positivity and self-love. The easiest way that a child learns how to love himself is by modeling it yourself. When your boss calls and tells you that you got them a big client, you tell your kid you did a great job at work. Even in the home, if you successfully cooked the pasta perfectly, smile and let him know how proud you are for it. This way, when he does something good in school, he’ll learn to tell you about it, consequently building his confidence along the way. Let him feel the joy of celebrating each of your successes, no matter how small.
  2. Encourage him to join sports. Your child will experience his first victory and failure in the sport that he will focus on. Getting into sports is a great way to practice focus, strength of mind and body, and undeniably improve self-confidence. When he is seasoned in the sport he is in, then you know that at his age, he will be able to handle defeat and think of it as another opportunity to do better.
  3. Teach him to be resilient. Success doesn’t always happen at every turn. There will be pain, sadness, and frustrations. Instill in your child a versatile character that is able to say, “I’ll get through this. I’ll just try again.” Help them get over their frustrations by reassuring them that these are only normal and there is nothing he can’t handle. Perhaps you can sit with your child and talk about steps on how to do better, for instance, in an exam, or in a sport. This will improve his resilience and self-esteem.

Takeaway

 

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It is important to remember that as parents, it is not your obligation to fix what has been broken in your child, but you have a role in arming him with the necessary qualities such as assertiveness, kindness, empathy, compassion and, of course, the self-esteem to face life’s challenges with grace and gratitude.

 

 

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It is a message delivered by the late renowned author, Kurt Vonnegut which leads us to several moments and points of realization.

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