When children grow as teenagers, most profound changes happen between the parent and teen relationship. It becomes more challenging for parents to interact with their children due to the limited amount of time they could spend together. Teenagers will go through a period when they try to act independently and assertive towards their parents. Teens would want to enjoy more with the privacy of their room, will be homeless often enjoying freedom with their friends and their social life.
The way you handle your child is vital in determining what kind of person he becomes in the future. This is why you need to ensure yourself that your parenting style supports your child’s growth and development because how you discipline her and show her how much you love her through the way you are as a parent will affect her for the rest of her life.
The Four Parenting Styles
The authoritative parent may sound like this:
When he informs his child of the rules, he explains them clearly.
He tries his best to create and keep a positive interaction with his child.
He is strict with his rules and implementing the consequences, but he considers his child’s feelings.
Are you authoritative? These kinds of parents are stringent, but they never forget to acknowledge his child’s suggestions. Although they want to be clear that they are completely in charge, they validate their child’s feelings and listen to what they have to say. They are also for positive reinforcement and discipline, such as implementing the reward and punishment system. Children whose parents are authoritative are reportedly happy and tend to be more successful in the future.
Authoritarian parents believe that:
Children should be visible only, but their words don’t matter.
Their feelings are not important and should not be considered.
Their rules are unbent and inconsiderate.
If you have been disciplining your child this way, then you are an authoritarian parent. You tend to force your kids to follow the rules without any exception. And if their kids ask them why, their famous line would be, “Because I said so.” Negotiation is a no-no, and obedience is a must without bending any rules. Children with authoritarian parents grow to have low self-esteem and have a likelihood of being aggressive and hostile.
If you are a permissive parent, you tend to:
Rarely implement or establish consequences.
Not enforce the rules that you set for your child.
Let your child grow and learn with little supervision and monitoring from you.
Being permissive is actually being lenient, and they don’t stress themselves with petty issues but only come in when the problem is severe. Permissive parents are quite tolerant and believe that kids will always be kids, so they just let them. They are usually more comfortable with their children growing up feeling like they’re friends with them, but just as they are lenient, they don’t put in much effort in helping them solve their problems. Thus, they most often have weak and insecure kids – kids who exhibit unpleasant behavior and poor decision-making skills. Additionally, these kids don’t develop good hygiene.
As the statement implies, you:
Spend very little time with your child, even though you may have the time.
You don’t care about your child’s school, homework, friends, or anything that may concern him.
You don’t usually know what your child does when he’s at home, or where he goes when he’s not home.
Children whose parents are uninvolved lack parental attention, guidance, and nurturing. Thus, their kids are trying to raise themselves because their parents don’t have time to commit to their basic needs, and worse, some of them do not know much about child-rearing.
There are times when parents don’t belong to the four types of styles, so don’t worry if there are instances or areas where you tend to be permissive or authoritarian. If you have the commitment and motivation to be the best parent you can be to your child, keep your mind open to suggestions and learn more about positive parenting. It’s not too late.
You and your spouse have been thinking of adopting from some time now. Your family and close friends are asking you what you’re waiting for while some are concerned about the concept of you having to raise a child that is not yours biologically. Whether there are a lot more who are against it or vice versa, the final decision must be made by you and your spouse, and it should be a decision that is not to be made with haste.
There are a lot of sources you can read from if you want to know more about adoption, and as you learn more about it, you’ll get to know the pros and cons of adopting a child. But regardless, here is a list of some questions you can ask yourself before deciding to go for adoption.
Do I have a thorough understanding of how adoption works?
Aside from being able to comprehend the different types of adoption, you must be aware of the federal, state, and international laws that are involved in the process of adoption. Study how the system from beginning to end so that whatever happens along the way, you can deal with it without little to no frustrations. The more you understand the system, the better it will be for you and your spouse.
Am I patient?
The whole process of adopting can take time. In fact, it can take years before the confirmation to adopt is released, and for someone who wants to raise a child so badly, it can be pretty sad and depressing. So be sure you are patient enough to wait – and sometimes wait for nothing. If you can be patient with things like this, then you sure are ready to raise a child who can be the most stubborn and annoying human beings at times!
Are you emotionally strong or stable?
Adoption is a two-way street. It can bring out the best or the worst in you. No one knows how well they are at parenting until they have a child of their own, and that goes for you as an adoptive parent. You’ll know if you are good at it once you’ve managed to raise your adopted child to be a strong, kind, and happy person. But what if you’ll have to go through many challenges before you get to that stage? Are you strong and resilient enough to surpass these challenges? Or what if the adoption doesn’t push through in the first place? Be prepared emotionally and keep in mind that anything can happen.
Are you hesitant to deal with behavioral, emotional, and mental health problems?
Having children entails a lot of things, including the potential for perfect or imperfect health. Adoptive parents must be aware of the effects that trauma has on foster or adopted children. Also, you should acknowledge that your child may have potential issues that he may be facing. You can also ask about his biological parents and family, although sometimes that would be impossible.
Do you have a strong support system?
Do you have an understanding family and supportive friends who are with you in this journey? This means that whatever happens, you have a support network that you can lean on to help you deal with whatever you may be facing. If your family and significant others understand what you are going through and they are willing to support and guide you all the way, then you are stronger than you think. Connect with them regardless of whether the adoption pushes through or not.
Do you feel that adoption is your calling?
This question is vital in that it reflects how much the adoption means to you. When you think about adopting, what goes through your mind? Is it the responsibility, the sense of just having a kid, or is it a sense of fulfillment of having to take care and love a child like your own? You must have a strong and meaningful purpose of why you are adopting.
Being an adoptive parent is a challenge as well as a blessing. A lot of adoptive families have been happy making wonderful memories together, keeping them strong and fulfilled. Do you think you are ready to take on the challenge and the blessing? If you say yes, then start the process right now. Seize the opportunity! Good luck!
Raising a child is among the hardest and yet the most satisfying jobs in the world. It is also one that you are hesitant to do because you might feel that you’re not ready to take on the responsibility of being a parent.
Below is a list of strategies that you can follow to help you become a more effective parent.
Find Ways To Boost Your Kid’s Self-Esteem. Part of your responsibility as a parent is raising your child to be loving and confident. Always tell him that he’s special and that he is unique. Teach him how to take advantage of his skills by showing them and not hiding them. Support him in his hobbies like sports or any activity that is beneficial for his mental and emotional growth. And when he accomplishes something, remember to praise him for a job well done. Boosting your child’s confidence will help him be whatever he wants to be.
Discipline Consistently. Disciplining your child is essential in every family, and it takes many forms. However, you must choose to discipline your child consistently and respectfully. This means that you set your limitations in terms of the rules and guidelines and the necessary consequences that you enforce on him. Give him house rules that are stringent enough for you to be able to check on him, but with sufficient freedom, for him to be able to grow. If he breaks a rule, be consistent in enforcing the consequence. Maybe a first warning would be fair before the final ‘punishment.’
Have Kids’ Time. Spending time with the family is one thing, but having kids’ time is another. This can mean that you must spare a few hours each day to talk with each of them, asking them how they are and how’s school. On the weekends, you can watch a movie or if you’re on a budget, just have a cook session with them. It’s a creative activity that allows parents and kids to bond. If you’re a working mom or dad, let your kids understand that the time you spend with them may be short but precious and with much effort.
Practice What You Preach. Children learn better when they are following an adult, so whatever good you are teaching them, you must also do. If you want them to be responsible at home, start with you. Help your spouse with the chores at home. Be respectful. Talk in ways that you understand each other. When reprimanding your children, do it in a mild tone of voice. Whatever you do, remember that the younger generation is looking at you to be their role model in everything.
Teach Your Kids To Be Active In The Community. If you want your children to learn how to socialize, explain to them why it is important to join community activities. Don’t just let them do things because you want them to. Encourage them to volunteer in soup kitchens or watch community dialogues so that they will meet fellow community members and establish camaraderie and cultivate values like kindness, generosity, and compassion. Listen to their suggestions as well and let them know that they are appreciated.
Love Them, Unconditionally. Teaching, guiding, and correcting your kid are examples of ways to show that you love them. It is in how you do these things that will make all the difference. When you talk with them, do not judge or criticize them with hurtful words. If you made a mistake and you need to enforce the consequence, don’t forget to tell them that you love them unconditionally and that consequences are there to teach them what is right from wrong.
Take Care Of Yourself. In the middle of taking care of your children and your family, do take care of yourself. If you overdo the parenting responsibility, it can take a toll on your wellness, and it’ll affect not only you but the rest of the family as well. It is quite a fulfillment to be able to see your family happy, but please remember that it also includes you. Find time to address your needs so that you will be healthy and able to do what it takes to raise a happy, healthy, and productive family.
When you teach a child to be loving, kind, and responsible, you are helping him learn how to be a reliable and trustworthy adult who is accountable for his actions. Find out how to do it through these simple strategies.
Let them start at a young age. A five or six-year-old may have trouble washing the dishes, but she can set the table or return her toys after playing. These easy tasks are basic and can train them to do more complicated tasks in the future.
For them to follow instructions properly, show them first how it’s done, and then let them do it themselves. Answer their questions clearly and be thorough in what you want them to accomplish. When you do the task, make sure you’re doing it the way you want them to do it. Kids are great imitators, and they are even much eager to do something when it is shown to them.
When they’ve tried doing simple tasks, let them teach their siblings or playmates how something should be done. It’s a good way for them to remember tasks by heart, and they love feeling like they’re little leaders.
Be a role model. What you want to teach your kids, practice it yourself. Don’t try to instill respect in them and then just shout at your spouse and reprimand them inappropriately. By being responsible, loving, reliable, and empathic inwardly and outwardly, it will be easier for you to instill these values unto them.
Don’t hesitate to apologize when you’ve done something wrong. Some kids think that their parents never make mistakes, and they feel frustrated when we scold them for things they do. Let them know that we’re human too, and we do make mistakes, and there’s no shame in making one. The shame is when you do something wrong and don’t do something about it. Accepting fault is also part of learning how to take responsibility for our actions.
When you reprimand, try not to yell, nag, or criticize them. This will do no good for their emotional development and rather hurt their self-esteem, especially if you do it in front of many people. Sometimes, it might be difficult to control your temper, but we might need to take a breather first before we do so. Correcting and teaching do not include judging.
Designate a task for your child to do within the family. This doesn’t only make him feel like he belongs but also makes him grow up with the notion that responsibilities are part of life whether you’re young or old. Watering the garden is an exercise and task at the same time. Feeding and walking your pet dog, if you have, is also something that he can do.
Work home chores as a family to remind your child that it’s not more on the chores but the act of responsibly following through them and having a task like everyone else in the family.
Along with teaching responsibility to your child is the loving reminder that she is loved so much. It is the love that is fueling you as a parent to teach your child to be good and kind and to be the best son or daughter and person and ready to take on the future with confidence.
Nowadays, parents like us are frequently the targets of criticism about our parenting styles. It seems that some people have standard guidelines of what a good and a bad parent is, which is why often we begin to doubt how we are as a parent to our child. We tend to listen to what our relatives, friends, or the media have to say about us, and we then begin to compare ourselves to other parents. But what’s important is to set aside your guilt, remorse, worry, or stress about what you’re responsible for as a parent – and what you’re not.
I talked to a parent coach, and I suddenly asked him if I had the chance to be a great parent. He said that it was never impossible. He gave a list of some of the things that a parent should be responsible for – and those that a parent should not mind.
You’re responsible for teaching your child self-care and other activities of daily living. You are tasked to help your child learn how to work his way through functioning independently according to his age. However, you are not responsible for spoon-feeding him when he reaches a more mature age. Don’t allow him to become too dependent on you to the point that he can’t still eat by himself at 12.
You’re responsible for teaching him to be physically and emotionally stable, but you’re not responsible for making them happy all the time. You build the foundation for your child’s emotional and physical stability, but as he grows older, you must let go of him slowly and allow him to be free to love, get hurt, and suffer the hurtful consequences. All these will make him a stronger and more resilient person. That’s a guarantee.
You’re responsible for instilling in your child the value of taking responsibility for his actions. This means that you can initially train your child, for example, to wake up early when it’s weekdays. If they don’t, then they’ll have to deal with some consequences. However, you’re not responsible for controlling your child just because he has not done what he was asked to. Kids are endowed with a quick and smart mind that can go as far as learning all the rules in the house but not doing them. If this is the case, you’re not at all accountable for your child if his grades flank because your child has insomnia.
You’re responsible for guiding and watching over your child when he is sad, depressed, or angry. You must find a way to penetrate him and let him talk about how he feels. You can do this, but no, you are not responsible for asking for the approval of other parents. Just because your fellow parents don’t agree with your parenting style, you change them. Other parents or teachers may be obliged to teach your child some lesson or two, but not to you. No one knows better than your child, so it’s only you who knows when and how to change the parenting style.
You’re responsible for doing all that you can for the good of your child, but you are not responsible for doing what your child is supposed to be doing for himself. Because your child has gotten used to you picking his garbage, he tends to leave his garbage instead of cleaning it himself. For instance, he’s doing his homework in the living room, but you find out later that he left his things after he did homework. Don’t clean it up for him. Ask him to go back there and clean up before he goes to bed. Let him struggle sometimes, so he knows when he’s struggling.
Remember that not one child is the same as another. Each of our children is unique, and no one knows them better than we do. You can get pieces of advice from other parents, as there is nothing wrong with listening and learning new things that our children can probably learn too. But don’t take away your right to be the expert on your child. In the end, you will still be making the tough decisions for him, especially when he’s not yet at the right age. Be there for your child. Although you want him to become independent, you can always watch him from afar, still loving him with all your heart.
There are several things to remember when it comes to choosing a career path. The first thing that you must take note of is the fact that there is no perfect choice. You have to take a risk if you want to reach for your dreams. Otherwise, you will end up making a lot of mistakes in your profession. According to a psychologist, many people end up getting disappointed if they make rash decisions. As such, it is best for everyone to take the proper necessary time to consider each option presented to him or her before making a final choice.
If you believe that you are in a crossroad in your life as you do not know what direction to go, do not worry because we are going to discuss some of the practical techniques that you can use so that you can choose the right career path. Below are some of the things to remember:
Know Your Current Situation
You have to start by knowing where you are at this point in your life. Do you want the present circumstances that you encounter on a day-to-day basis? Or do you want to make some changes in your current situation? The answers to these inquiries or questions can help you in making better decisions that can affect your future. Aside from this, you must also figure out who you are so that you will not be easily confused with the unlimited career choices presented in front of you. Getting to know yourself and understanding your current life can allow you to discover what is best for you.
Get Advice From Elders
There are days when you would be clueless as to the kind of path to follow in this life. As already mentioned above, there is nothing to worry about this as it is only temporary. You can always do something about it, as long as you know how to balance the pros and cons of every choice. To make things easier on your part, it is suggested to seek advice from elders. Do not hesitate to ask for what your parents have to say about your career choices. However, keep in mind that you do not necessarily need to follow their advice. What is important is that you can get their opinions so that you can consider it in the decision-making process.
Research Your Options
Empty your mind and start visualizing your life five years from now. What are the things that you can see in your vision? What are the inner desires of your heart? List down the career options that you can think of, but be sure to limit it to at least five choices. After that, use these five options to inspire you to keep moving forward. To make this happen, you can start by researching the items on your list. Get all the information you can about each career type and study it. In so doing, you are increasing your knowledge about a particular profession, which will eventually help you in picking your choice. The nice thing about this is that it will allow you to make an informed decision right away.
Talk To Your Guidance Counselor
If you are still in the process of searching the right course to take in college, then be sure to take advantage of an opportunity to get in touch with the guidance counselor at school. The said professional has the right set of skills and experience in helping students make better decisions for their future. If you are fortunate, you can even ask for a career options test, which is administered by counselors. Take note that you can always ask several questions to the said counselor until you get all the right answers you need. It is best to set an appointment with your school counselor before barging into his office.
Take Your Time
As already emphasized earlier, you need to understand that rushing the decision process can lead to more errors and mistakes. If you do not want to encounter problems in the future, be sure to take your time in making a choice. Take all the time; you need to assess your current situation and think of how each option can affect your future. Since you need more time before you can make a choice, it is best if you will start thinking of your career path options as early as possible. Do not wait before it is too late as you may do something that you will regret in the future.
Be careful in choosing a career path because it will be your future.
In this generation, kids nowadays receive judgments from all sorts of people. Some blame the technology for these young individuals’ way of living their lives. Sometimes, other people misunderstand them due to the unparticular ways they make decisions for themselves. Others believe that they are incapable of handling the consequences of their actions and that the later generations are more capable of handling life struggles and social issues. With that, there comes a stigma that parents in the late ages are more intellectual and well-experienced. But are they? If you ask a therapist, he would probably disagree. Parents are not always right, and that is a fact.
A Different Point Of View
Perhaps it is true that young adults nowadays make terrible decisions in their life, education, career, and relationship. There instances that they take too many left-turns and sometimes do not tend to finish what they have started. Most of these young individuals are impulsive, careless, and unpredictable. There are times that they are full of confidence that sometimes are inappropriate to a particular situation. They are adventurous, self-reliable, and full of guts that pretty much becomes out of control almost all the time. That is the reason why parents see them as kids who are not only helpless but also trying hard individuals. Barb Roba, LMCH explains, “A trigger is a thought or a situation that leads to undesirable behavior choices. Most commonly, we find that triggers are caused by something in the surrounding environment or by another person’s actions.”
The different parental mentality where parents view their kids as individuals, who are incapable of doing things, creates a long course of the problem. Not only it does limit young individuals’ horizons, but parents’ judgment also becomes a blocking force for future development too. That is because the way they look at their kids becomes a standard. With that, it creates a lasting societal impression. Allison Ricciardi, LMHC once said, “How parents navigate this difficult phase can make a huge difference in not only the ultimate outcome but in the daily strife that occurs.”
Parents believe that everything they say and do is correct. That whatever consequences there may be, their decisions and actions are appropriate for the situation even if it doesn’t support a fundamental conclusion. That is because they based their judgment from the past experiences they had. There is this belief that since they are old enough to handle possible conditions, they are more mature and capable of creating a solid ruling. Perhaps some parents always do the right thing. But not all of them are consistent. Some parents do not take the blame when things get out of hand. Some parents often wash their hands when the situation results in a negative outcome. Some parents do not accept their mistakes in mishandling their kids. And some parents keep a blind eye to what is currently crucial for everybody.
With all the negative results of mishandled parenting, parents can become destructive influences in young adults’ lives. That goes even for those loving and amazing ones. When kids often take their parents words as the final authority over their decisions in life, an issue arises. Yes, they are parents. But it does not mean they know everything. Their status as adults who takes care of young individuals doesn’t give them the prerogative of becoming wise. Not because parents decided to have kids, that does not mean there is a brain-rewinding that suddenly makes them an expert in determining the secrets of having a successful and happy life. The truth is, these parents are also in the middle of learning a lot from a different situation. Some of them are still figuring out how to manage decisions. A lot of them are still trying their bests to understand every essential part of parenting.
Parents also have flaws and biases because they are not perfect. They also have regrets and doubts. Yes, they are in an authoritative role, but that does not mean they have all the answers. It does not imply that children can never challenge, question, and disagree with them. But don’t get it wrong. Perhaps the reason why parents often get in the way of their kids’ happiness and success is due to their focus on safety and security. Yes, it is an excellent validation of their action. However, that particular trait only builds a miserable and boring life for young individuals. Their focus on security and safety hinders the kids’ potential to experience a creative life under their own decisions and values. “Focus more on how your children make progress by comparing them to themselves—if they are progressing each day, each week, each month, that’s what really matters. Every day try to find a small win.” A reminder from Jaclyn Shlisky, Psy.D.
It is understandable that parents need respect. They deserve it, and young adults are obliged to give it to them. However, when parents do not support a healthy parent-children relationship in which both minds and voices are equally valued, then the whole process of parenting will only result in rebellions, misunderstandings, and hatred.
Parenting is one of the most stressful, draining, and unbelievable jobs in the world. Not because it requires tons of task that seems quite everlasting, but because everything about it is inconsistent. That’s the reason why most parents suffer from family relationship problems. And since there are things that need attention, there is no guarantee that all lessons will fit in an instant.
When people talk about parenting, some always assume they understand parental roles. But, do they? When you try and ask some of the parents you know, they will probably answer this in general – “it’s my responsibility to raise my kids in a way I understand.” That’s quite true. Every parent is capable of raising their kids with the lessons they know, heard, understand, and experience. Probably because they know what it feels like to be at their kids’ age back before they were even parents.
But is that enough reason to conclude that parenting is something people get from the past? That the proper way of introducing moral lessons to children is through experience? Or that perhaps parenting seems to revolve around what society believes? As people begin to look at the lives of the youth, there are structures in the family that unnoticeable exists. These are pivot points where a routine takes a significant change in children’s behavior, emotional state, character, and even mental awareness.
The Struggle Most Parents Have
One of the primary reasons why most parents can’t seem to get a hold of their children is due to a consistent style of parenting for a variety of situations. These include the right implication of discipline, the teaching about honesty and loyalty, the insinuation of what society believes is right and wrong, the constant adaptation of different values, the applicable relationship to other individuals, and a lot more. Parents often don’t understand that kids nowadays are not interested anymore in reading and writing values. Children in this generation are risk takers. Therefore, parenting style requires a distinction as much as possible. Perhaps because kids now understand that the world has so much to offer. By that, listening to what adults used to believe is now useless since the youth can now explore what those things they need to learn are.
As a parent, the battle of right parenting comes with two contradicting patterns. One is the proper way of treating kids, and the other one is letting them understand what the appropriate way is. Yes, most parents know that hitting kids is an inappropriate way. That’s because society believes that it is a form of abuse. And even if it’s not, then they still assume that it will eventually become one. With that mentality, no one likes to view punishment as a valid parenting method.
On the other hand, kids understand their parents’ responsibility regarding the teaching of a lesson. But what seems to be the problem is the youth’s inability to follow specific rules. Yes, most children understand what their parents are trying to imply, but not all of them are wholeheartedly open to restrictions and adjustments. Therefore, these individuals still do what they got to do.
The Right Method Of Handling Kids
All parents know that what they are dealing with when it comes to parenting is the result of their struggles and decisions in life. Perhaps it’s what they already knew from the start. So to answer the question if there is a right method to parenting, well, there’s none. All parents and kids differ. Some factors require considerations as well. It could be the environment the family is living in, the traditions they inherited from their relatives, the teachings they learn from school, and the experience they know and apply to other people. There is entirely no need to question how each parent handle their kids because only their judgment will matter.
Societal Issue Of Parenting
Since society assumes that parenting task should stay uncomplicated and straightforward, they begin to focus on what seems to be chaotic – the parent-children relationship. With this, people view some parenting methods indifferently. Most people won’t care why because they only want to know what’s normal and what the majority of ways are available when handling kids. Though there are times these people’s judgment might be valid about some cases, everything is not always in their favor. That is because the internal factor of parenting still lies in the capability of the parents to relay values and knowledge for the sole benefit of their kids no matter what the ways are.
Parenting in this generation is about the balance of “now and before” that runs along with the future. Teaching the proper habits, implementing discipline, and showing the right values, are the ones parents hope for their kids so they can become great. All parental decisions matter to make a significant development in both parents and children’s lives.