“Mommy, the man on the TV said it is Coromo birus. A lot of people are dead mommy because of it. Are you sick, mommy? I don’t want you dead. Do not go out. Stay home.”
“Mommy, the man on the TV said it is Coromo birus. A lot of people are dead mommy because of it. Are you sick, mommy? I don’t want you dead. Do not go out. Stay home.”
I recall attending the 2019 Children Convention with my husband and our three kids, aged 5, 8, and 11 years old. It was memorable because I only realized that the primary topic was childhood depression when we were already sitting. At the time, I could not decide if we should stay or haul the entire family back home. It felt like the topic was not too suitable for kids, but my spouse coaxed me into staying, so we did.
You must admit that talking about depression is scary in front of kids who still believe in Santa and tooth fairy. Parents like me can never be blamed for wanting to shield the young ones from such dark topics. Still, I am genuinely glad that my children are already aware that depression exists because:
It Makes Kids Knowledgeable About The Adverse Effects Of Mental Disorder
Knowledge has always been associated with power, and I agree with that notion. When a child knows that there is a mental disorder called depression, it allows them to realize that it is not to be taken lightly. Otherwise, the depressive episodes may aggravate and push a person to self-harm.
You may ask, “Can’t I save the depression talk for when my kid turns 18?” Well, you most certainly can—that’s up to you. But I won’t recommend it because self-harmers are getting younger than ever. You don’t want your kids to hear about it from their classmates and think that it’s cool to do.
It Helps Kids Empathize With Depressed Friends
My children grew up playing with our neighbor’s only daughter Jenny (not her real name). My husband and I did not notice a behavioral change in Jenny whenever she would come to the house. She always spoke politely and participated in our family games. So, I felt so shocked when my eldest daughter came home from school and said, “Mom, my teacher caught Jenny self-cutting in the bathroom today.”
Of course, my initial reaction was to advise my child to stop hanging out with Jenny. I couldn’t help it; it was my protective instinct kicking in. However, my level-headed kid told me that Jenny might need a friend now more than ever. The fact that my daughter remembered that from the convention made me want to weep in happiness, considering it helped bring out my child’s empathy.
The need to protect my children from any potential danger may forever remain in me. Despite that, going to the said convention with them has shown me that it is healthy to enlighten kids about a mental disorder like depression at times. That’s the only way to keep them from experiencing it unconsciously in the future.
When children grow as teenagers, most profound changes happen between the parent and teen relationship. It becomes more challenging for parents to interact with their children due to the limited amount of time they could spend together. Teenagers will go through a period when they try to act independently and assertive towards their parents. Teens would want to enjoy more with the privacy of their room, will be homeless often enjoying freedom with their friends and their social life.
The way you handle your child is vital in determining what kind of person he becomes in the future. This is why you need to ensure yourself that your parenting style supports your child’s growth and development because how you discipline her and show her how much you love her through the way you are as a parent will affect her for the rest of her life.
The Four Parenting Styles
The authoritative parent may sound like this:
Are you authoritative? These kinds of parents are stringent, but they never forget to acknowledge his child’s suggestions. Although they want to be clear that they are completely in charge, they validate their child’s feelings and listen to what they have to say. They are also for positive reinforcement and discipline, such as implementing the reward and punishment system. Children whose parents are authoritative are reportedly happy and tend to be more successful in the future.
Authoritarian parents believe that:
If you have been disciplining your child this way, then you are an authoritarian parent. You tend to force your kids to follow the rules without any exception. And if their kids ask them why, their famous line would be, “Because I said so.” Negotiation is a no-no, and obedience is a must without bending any rules. Children with authoritarian parents grow to have low self-esteem and have a likelihood of being aggressive and hostile.
If you are a permissive parent, you tend to:
Being permissive is actually being lenient, and they don’t stress themselves with petty issues but only come in when the problem is severe. Permissive parents are quite tolerant and believe that kids will always be kids, so they just let them. They are usually more comfortable with their children growing up feeling like they’re friends with them, but just as they are lenient, they don’t put in much effort in helping them solve their problems. Thus, they most often have weak and insecure kids – kids who exhibit unpleasant behavior and poor decision-making skills. Additionally, these kids don’t develop good hygiene.
As the statement implies, you:
Children whose parents are uninvolved lack parental attention, guidance, and nurturing. Thus, their kids are trying to raise themselves because their parents don’t have time to commit to their basic needs, and worse, some of them do not know much about child-rearing.
There are times when parents don’t belong to the four types of styles, so don’t worry if there are instances or areas where you tend to be permissive or authoritarian. If you have the commitment and motivation to be the best parent you can be to your child, keep your mind open to suggestions and learn more about positive parenting. It’s not too late.
You and your spouse have been thinking of adopting from some time now. Your family and close friends are asking you what you’re waiting for while some are concerned about the concept of you having to raise a child that is not yours biologically. Whether there are a lot more who are against it or vice versa, the final decision must be made by you and your spouse, and it should be a decision that is not to be made with haste.
There are a lot of sources you can read from if you want to know more about adoption, and as you learn more about it, you’ll get to know the pros and cons of adopting a child. But regardless, here is a list of some questions you can ask yourself before deciding to go for adoption.
Do I have a thorough understanding of how adoption works?
Aside from being able to comprehend the different types of adoption, you must be aware of the federal, state, and international laws that are involved in the process of adoption. Study how the system from beginning to end so that whatever happens along the way, you can deal with it without little to no frustrations. The more you understand the system, the better it will be for you and your spouse.
Am I patient?
The whole process of adopting can take time. In fact, it can take years before the confirmation to adopt is released, and for someone who wants to raise a child so badly, it can be pretty sad and depressing. So be sure you are patient enough to wait – and sometimes wait for nothing. If you can be patient with things like this, then you sure are ready to raise a child who can be the most stubborn and annoying human beings at times!
Are you emotionally strong or stable?
Adoption is a two-way street. It can bring out the best or the worst in you. No one knows how well they are at parenting until they have a child of their own, and that goes for you as an adoptive parent. You’ll know if you are good at it once you’ve managed to raise your adopted child to be a strong, kind, and happy person. But what if you’ll have to go through many challenges before you get to that stage? Are you strong and resilient enough to surpass these challenges? Or what if the adoption doesn’t push through in the first place? Be prepared emotionally and keep in mind that anything can happen.
Are you hesitant to deal with behavioral, emotional, and mental health problems?
Having children entails a lot of things, including the potential for perfect or imperfect health. Adoptive parents must be aware of the effects that trauma has on foster or adopted children. Also, you should acknowledge that your child may have potential issues that he may be facing. You can also ask about his biological parents and family, although sometimes that would be impossible.
Do you have a strong support system?
Do you have an understanding family and supportive friends who are with you in this journey? This means that whatever happens, you have a support network that you can lean on to help you deal with whatever you may be facing. If your family and significant others understand what you are going through and they are willing to support and guide you all the way, then you are stronger than you think. Connect with them regardless of whether the adoption pushes through or not.
Do you feel that adoption is your calling?
This question is vital in that it reflects how much the adoption means to you. When you think about adopting, what goes through your mind? Is it the responsibility, the sense of just having a kid, or is it a sense of fulfillment of having to take care and love a child like your own? You must have a strong and meaningful purpose of why you are adopting.
Being an adoptive parent is a challenge as well as a blessing. A lot of adoptive families have been happy making wonderful memories together, keeping them strong and fulfilled. Do you think you are ready to take on the challenge and the blessing? If you say yes, then start the process right now. Seize the opportunity! Good luck!
Raising a child is among the hardest and yet the most satisfying jobs in the world. It is also one that you are hesitant to do because you might feel that you’re not ready to take on the responsibility of being a parent.
Below is a list of strategies that you can follow to help you become a more effective parent.
When you teach a child to be loving, kind, and responsible, you are helping him learn how to be a reliable and trustworthy adult who is accountable for his actions. Find out how to do it through these simple strategies.
Nowadays, parents like us are frequently the targets of criticism about our parenting styles. It seems that some people have standard guidelines of what a good and a bad parent is, which is why often we begin to doubt how we are as a parent to our child. We tend to listen to what our relatives, friends, or the media have to say about us, and we then begin to compare ourselves to other parents. But what’s important is to set aside your guilt, remorse, worry, or stress about what you’re responsible for as a parent – and what you’re not.
I talked to a parent coach, and I suddenly asked him if I had the chance to be a great parent. He said that it was never impossible. He gave a list of some of the things that a parent should be responsible for – and those that a parent should not mind.
Remember that not one child is the same as another. Each of our children is unique, and no one knows them better than we do. You can get pieces of advice from other parents, as there is nothing wrong with listening and learning new things that our children can probably learn too. But don’t take away your right to be the expert on your child. In the end, you will still be making the tough decisions for him, especially when he’s not yet at the right age. Be there for your child. Although you want him to become independent, you can always watch him from afar, still loving him with all your heart.
There are several things to remember when it comes to choosing a career path. The first thing that you must take note of is the fact that there is no perfect choice. You have to take a risk if you want to reach for your dreams. Otherwise, you will end up making a lot of mistakes in your profession. According to a psychologist, many people end up getting disappointed if they make rash decisions. As such, it is best for everyone to take the proper necessary time to consider each option presented to him or her before making a final choice.
If you believe that you are in a crossroad in your life as you do not know what direction to go, do not worry because we are going to discuss some of the practical techniques that you can use so that you can choose the right career path. Below are some of the things to remember:
Know Your Current Situation
You have to start by knowing where you are at this point in your life. Do you want the present circumstances that you encounter on a day-to-day basis? Or do you want to make some changes in your current situation? The answers to these inquiries or questions can help you in making better decisions that can affect your future. Aside from this, you must also figure out who you are so that you will not be easily confused with the unlimited career choices presented in front of you. Getting to know yourself and understanding your current life can allow you to discover what is best for you.
Get Advice From Elders
There are days when you would be clueless as to the kind of path to follow in this life. As already mentioned above, there is nothing to worry about this as it is only temporary. You can always do something about it, as long as you know how to balance the pros and cons of every choice. To make things easier on your part, it is suggested to seek advice from elders. Do not hesitate to ask for what your parents have to say about your career choices. However, keep in mind that you do not necessarily need to follow their advice. What is important is that you can get their opinions so that you can consider it in the decision-making process.
Research Your Options
Empty your mind and start visualizing your life five years from now. What are the things that you can see in your vision? What are the inner desires of your heart? List down the career options that you can think of, but be sure to limit it to at least five choices. After that, use these five options to inspire you to keep moving forward. To make this happen, you can start by researching the items on your list. Get all the information you can about each career type and study it. In so doing, you are increasing your knowledge about a particular profession, which will eventually help you in picking your choice. The nice thing about this is that it will allow you to make an informed decision right away.
Talk To Your Guidance Counselor
If you are still in the process of searching the right course to take in college, then be sure to take advantage of an opportunity to get in touch with the guidance counselor at school. The said professional has the right set of skills and experience in helping students make better decisions for their future. If you are fortunate, you can even ask for a career options test, which is administered by counselors. Take note that you can always ask several questions to the said counselor until you get all the right answers you need. It is best to set an appointment with your school counselor before barging into his office.
Take Your Time
As already emphasized earlier, you need to understand that rushing the decision process can lead to more errors and mistakes. If you do not want to encounter problems in the future, be sure to take your time in making a choice. Take all the time; you need to assess your current situation and think of how each option can affect your future. Since you need more time before you can make a choice, it is best if you will start thinking of your career path options as early as possible. Do not wait before it is too late as you may do something that you will regret in the future.
Be careful in choosing a career path because it will be your future.
In this generation, kids nowadays receive judgments from all sorts of people. Some blame the technology for these young individuals’ way of living their lives. Sometimes, other people misunderstand them due to the unparticular ways they make decisions for themselves. Others believe that they are incapable of handling the consequences of their actions and that the later generations are more capable of handling life struggles and social issues. With that, there comes a stigma that parents in the late ages are more intellectual and well-experienced. But are they? If you ask a therapist, he would probably disagree. Parents are not always right, and that is a fact.
A Different Point Of View
Perhaps it is true that young adults nowadays make terrible decisions in their life, education, career, and relationship. There instances that they take too many left-turns and sometimes do not tend to finish what they have started. Most of these young individuals are impulsive, careless, and unpredictable. There are times that they are full of confidence that sometimes are inappropriate to a particular situation. They are adventurous, self-reliable, and full of guts that pretty much becomes out of control almost all the time. That is the reason why parents see them as kids who are not only helpless but also trying hard individuals. Barb Roba, LMCH explains, “A trigger is a thought or a situation that leads to undesirable behavior choices. Most commonly, we find that triggers are caused by something in the surrounding environment or by another person’s actions.”
The different parental mentality where parents view their kids as individuals, who are incapable of doing things, creates a long course of the problem. Not only it does limit young individuals’ horizons, but parents’ judgment also becomes a blocking force for future development too. That is because the way they look at their kids becomes a standard. With that, it creates a lasting societal impression. Allison Ricciardi, LMHC once said, “How parents navigate this difficult phase can make a huge difference in not only the ultimate outcome but in the daily strife that occurs.”
Parents believe that everything they say and do is correct. That whatever consequences there may be, their decisions and actions are appropriate for the situation even if it doesn’t support a fundamental conclusion. That is because they based their judgment from the past experiences they had. There is this belief that since they are old enough to handle possible conditions, they are more mature and capable of creating a solid ruling. Perhaps some parents always do the right thing. But not all of them are consistent. Some parents do not take the blame when things get out of hand. Some parents often wash their hands when the situation results in a negative outcome. Some parents do not accept their mistakes in mishandling their kids. And some parents keep a blind eye to what is currently crucial for everybody.
With all the negative results of mishandled parenting, parents can become destructive influences in young adults’ lives. That goes even for those loving and amazing ones. When kids often take their parents words as the final authority over their decisions in life, an issue arises. Yes, they are parents. But it does not mean they know everything. Their status as adults who takes care of young individuals doesn’t give them the prerogative of becoming wise. Not because parents decided to have kids, that does not mean there is a brain-rewinding that suddenly makes them an expert in determining the secrets of having a successful and happy life. The truth is, these parents are also in the middle of learning a lot from a different situation. Some of them are still figuring out how to manage decisions. A lot of them are still trying their bests to understand every essential part of parenting.
Parents also have flaws and biases because they are not perfect. They also have regrets and doubts. Yes, they are in an authoritative role, but that does not mean they have all the answers. It does not imply that children can never challenge, question, and disagree with them. But don’t get it wrong. Perhaps the reason why parents often get in the way of their kids’ happiness and success is due to their focus on safety and security. Yes, it is an excellent validation of their action. However, that particular trait only builds a miserable and boring life for young individuals. Their focus on security and safety hinders the kids’ potential to experience a creative life under their own decisions and values. “Focus more on how your children make progress by comparing them to themselves—if they are progressing each day, each week, each month, that’s what really matters. Every day try to find a small win.” A reminder from Jaclyn Shlisky, Psy.D.
It is understandable that parents need respect. They deserve it, and young adults are obliged to give it to them. However, when parents do not support a healthy parent-children relationship in which both minds and voices are equally valued, then the whole process of parenting will only result in rebellions, misunderstandings, and hatred.