Your parenting style plays a significant factor in your child’s school performance, whether in elementary, high school, or college. Proper parenting style in every stage of his life can help him do well (and may even become an achiever), both in academics and whatever career path he will choose in the future.
I am not sure what the experts call parenting style, but these are what I often suggest to parents asking for our secret on how we raised successful and happy children. These are the same technique our kids are utilizing now that they are raising children of their own.
Laying The Foundation With Discipline
Age zero to eight is the critical age for our kids. This is when they should learn the art of discipline. “The secret formula lies in effective discipline. The concept may be easy to grasp, but the execution is what often trips up parents.” Linda Esposito, LCSW said. With that, parents must set strict rules which children should follow. Rules come with consequences. Parents must be able to explain to the kids why there should be consequences for not following the rules. Parents must be responsive and rational when it comes to disciplining kids this age. It’s a fact that kids will often commit mistakes, and it will be avoided in the future if they will be made aware by pointing out their errors. Children will be more understanding and accepting of the consequence the moment they know why they are being punished.
You Should Know Your Child Better Than Others Do
As a parent, you must be able to identify your child’s talent and guide him developed that skill. Your close relationship with your kid can boost his morale and enrich his psychological well-being. He will feel more enthusiastic in enhancing his talent, following the path to success without breaking the rules you set and norms set by the society. Dr. Darla Clayton, PsyD once said, “You know your children best. Doctors, teachers, therapists are all fantastic resources but if you don’t feel like you’re being heard, or your child’s needs are being met, it’s very reasonable to get a second opinion. Don’t be afraid to fight for your child and their needs. While the professionals are experts in their areas, you are the expert on your child.”
Teenagers Wanted Feedback Not Criticisms
Teenage years are when our kids tend to become more sensitive, (brought by puberty). This is the time when they start to lose the self-esteem you’ve implanted in them. For their self-esteem and confidence to thrive, it would need continuous nurturing.
Self-esteem is the feeling of self-worth, something that we are not born with, but instead a value that is developed over time.
Rules still exist and punishment enforced. Only this time, you don’t just explain why. This is the time when you should also learn to listen to your child’s reason behind the behavior. As parents, you may feel discouraged by their misbehavior. The more you think that your kid is failing you, the more you need to be nurturing, forgiving, providing support. Do not pressure them to meet your expectations, instead, teach them to be responsible, cooperative, and have a sense of self-control.
Your physical presence and hands-on support are some of the building blocks to your child’s evolving self-esteem to be and do better. Being present when they need someone to talk to and share their stories gives them a sense that they are worth your attention and time. Without you realizing, with that simple effort, you make them feel secured, valued and an essential part of your life.
Be genuine when giving them attention. For no matter what age your kids are, they can sense when you are faking it or feel stressed being around them.
Enhance Your Communication As You Send Him Away To College
A misunderstanding between a parent and his child often comes in the way to having good and open communication. You need to survive this stage, especially when your college-age child no longer lives with you. There’s nothing wrong to demand your kid to act maturely, but avoid getting caught up in a heated conversation. “Assure that BOTH you and your child are calm when speaking about behaviors. Convey understanding of their feelings and ask them what they think will help them to manage their emotions. Communicating while calm always results in more successful plans.” Barb Roba, LMCH said.
Your child will act maturely in front of a mature adult. And will have the higher probability of being positive about his future if his parents believe that there is a positive future ahead of him. Giving him the support he needed, communicating well their thoughts as a parent without sounding judgmental, nurturing the seed of respect, responsibility, and self-esteem without coming into view as demanding or authoritative is the kind of parent he needs this time of his life.
Acknowledge Your Child’s Achievement
Praising your child even with the littlest achievement means the world to your child. They may be small things to you, but big and significant milestones for your child. Celebrate with your kid to promote a healthy form of self-esteem that will be his most effective weapon to face the trials ahead on his own.
Not all children show obvious signs of low self-esteem. But more often than not, those kids suffer from stress. When you see signs of stress, it’s time to assess yourself. What are your priorities? Why does your kid feel that way? Have an open mind to admit you did wrong somewhere. Dinnertime is the best time of the day to talk things over with your kids. Don’t shout or yell. You should be proud of how your little kid is learning to stand up for himself. Being able to discuss things and resolve problems shows that you are both grownups.
It’s not you being just in authority, but a caregiver, who is capable of being your child’s first supporter, the source of love and strength, cheerleader, friend, and defender for him not just to reach his goals, but be happily successful in the life he chooses to live.