In this generation, kids nowadays receive judgments from all sorts of people. Some blame the technology for these young individuals’ way of living their lives. Sometimes, other people misunderstand them due to the unparticular ways they make decisions for themselves. Others believe that they are incapable of handling the consequences of their actions and that the later generations are more capable of handling life struggles and social issues. With that, there comes a stigma that parents in the late ages are more intellectual and well-experienced. But are they? If you ask a therapist, he would probably disagree. Parents are not always right, and that is a fact.
A Different Point Of View
Perhaps it is true that young adults nowadays make terrible decisions in their life, education, career, and relationship. There instances that they take too many left-turns and sometimes do not tend to finish what they have started. Most of these young individuals are impulsive, careless, and unpredictable. There are times that they are full of confidence that sometimes are inappropriate to a particular situation. They are adventurous, self-reliable, and full of guts that pretty much becomes out of control almost all the time. That is the reason why parents see them as kids who are not only helpless but also trying hard individuals. Barb Roba, LMCH explains, “A trigger is a thought or a situation that leads to undesirable behavior choices. Most commonly, we find that triggers are caused by something in the surrounding environment or by another person’s actions.”
The different parental mentality where parents view their kids as individuals, who are incapable of doing things, creates a long course of the problem. Not only it does limit young individuals’ horizons, but parents’ judgment also becomes a blocking force for future development too. That is because the way they look at their kids becomes a standard. With that, it creates a lasting societal impression. Allison Ricciardi, LMHC once said, “How parents navigate this difficult phase can make a huge difference in not only the ultimate outcome but in the daily strife that occurs.”
Parents believe that everything they say and do is correct. That whatever consequences there may be, their decisions and actions are appropriate for the situation even if it doesn’t support a fundamental conclusion. That is because they based their judgment from the past experiences they had. There is this belief that since they are old enough to handle possible conditions, they are more mature and capable of creating a solid ruling. Perhaps some parents always do the right thing. But not all of them are consistent. Some parents do not take the blame when things get out of hand. Some parents often wash their hands when the situation results in a negative outcome. Some parents do not accept their mistakes in mishandling their kids. And some parents keep a blind eye to what is currently crucial for everybody.
With all the negative results of mishandled parenting, parents can become destructive influences in young adults’ lives. That goes even for those loving and amazing ones. When kids often take their parents words as the final authority over their decisions in life, an issue arises. Yes, they are parents. But it does not mean they know everything. Their status as adults who takes care of young individuals doesn’t give them the prerogative of becoming wise. Not because parents decided to have kids, that does not mean there is a brain-rewinding that suddenly makes them an expert in determining the secrets of having a successful and happy life. The truth is, these parents are also in the middle of learning a lot from a different situation. Some of them are still figuring out how to manage decisions. A lot of them are still trying their bests to understand every essential part of parenting.
Parents also have flaws and biases because they are not perfect. They also have regrets and doubts. Yes, they are in an authoritative role, but that does not mean they have all the answers. It does not imply that children can never challenge, question, and disagree with them. But don’t get it wrong. Perhaps the reason why parents often get in the way of their kids’ happiness and success is due to their focus on safety and security. Yes, it is an excellent validation of their action. However, that particular trait only builds a miserable and boring life for young individuals. Their focus on security and safety hinders the kids’ potential to experience a creative life under their own decisions and values. “Focus more on how your children make progress by comparing them to themselves—if they are progressing each day, each week, each month, that’s what really matters. Every day try to find a small win.” A reminder from Jaclyn Shlisky, Psy.D.
It is understandable that parents need respect. They deserve it, and young adults are obliged to give it to them. However, when parents do not support a healthy parent-children relationship in which both minds and voices are equally valued, then the whole process of parenting will only result in rebellions, misunderstandings, and hatred.